FFCrossover! Whose got the biggest GuN!
by Godtaker
Summary: Final fantasy X, VIII, and VII together. Its just a humour fic For you GUYS Please read and review and give me ur comments. Any review is appreciated :D wil be updated regularly Sorry discontinued..
1. Chapter 1

Final Fantasy 7,8,10 The Biggest "GuN" ever

**Chapter 1 **

Long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…..

All the Final Fantasy Characters Are Gathered At Fullerton Hotel, In the Suite Room of course. They decide to relax from their butt-kicking all year round. The Males of course… sleep… and have weird thoughts…. And the Females… like every sane non-homosexual female, are out shopping.

"Sigh, so SIAN!" Cloud mutters to himself. Looking across the vast expense of ornately decorated rooms, he suddenly hears a call…. A call that resonates throughout his whole body. "WAAA I WANT THE TOILET! WHERE IS IT! WHERE ARH! THIS STUPID SUITE SO BIG AND SO NICE BUT CANNOT FIND TOILET!" (What did u expect guys, it was nature's call) Cloud matters a string of obscene words in his own dialect.

Meanwhile….

"BANG!" Bits of plaster came raining down on from the ceiling onto the surprised cowboy's head. "WTF IS GOING ON! WHERE ARE THE SHINRA? THOSE GOOD FOR NOTHING SON-OF-A…" Everyone stops abruptly when they see themselves staring down the barrel of the gun of Irvine's Double-barreled Shotgun. " Shut up u S.O.B. or eat my DEATH PENALTY!"

Irvine seems to have grown taller and in stature while the rest of the FF cast seems to have shrunk…

"Yo… relax… dude we mean you no harm….We…we were just concerned." Zell piped up while raising his hands. Irvine fixed his raptor like gaze on Zell and Zell flinched visibly. (Yaa this IRVINE is PURE EVIL)

Everyone relaxed when Irvine holstered the weapon and they clustered and sat in Irvine's room.

"Hey Irvine, can I see your gun please?" Tidus asked in a sing-song voice while simultaneously batting his eyelashes. Irvine blanched when he saw Tidus like this and he handed the gun over to Tidus and sat as far away from Tidus in the room as humanely possible.

Tidus examined his prize and everybody who was attracted by the commotion and went over to see what was going on. "Cool Gun Irvy!" Irvine smiled weakly at Tidus and tried to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.

"Whoa its around 15 inches!" Everybody oohed and aahed and Cloud, who was upset that Irvine was taking all the praise about his gun, produced a very ornately designed gun from his jacket and bragged about it in front of everyone.

Meanwhile… The Girls have Arrived Back at the Hotel Room….

Yuna: Hey lets spy on the guys and see what they are doing!

The Rest of the females: Okay…

The girls tiptoe closer to the door of Irvine's room and see the guys facing away from them in a corner. "? What are they doing?"

Cloud: Ha, Irvine's GUN is no big deal! Look at mine! With a flourish of his robes, he held his gun up into the sunlight and golden rays reflected away from it…. "Look at my gun's capabilities guys! It can hold 7 shots and it has high firing velocities. It also has a double barreled head like Irvine's…

The Guys: BUT ITS shorter then Irvine's! Its only like… 78 inches?

At this Cloud's face reddens and he sits down muttering something under his breath.

Tifa(getting upset): It not fair of them to criticize him like that…. And anyway they got the measurements wrong. Its definitely not 7 inches!

The Girls: Stares at Tifa and asks "HOW DID YOU KNOW?"

Tifa: Err I have my sources….

The Girls glance at each other and exchange off color jokes and look knowingly at Tifa…

"And Neither was it double barreled!" Tifa blurts out.

**Get ready for the next chapter… as the plot thickens… visibly….**


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Hey Guys Sorry for the long… update but I hope u will understand :D

I was busy playing some new game and enjoying very much my holidays…. well thank you every1 for your reviews continue to support me guys !

On with the fan fic…..

Chapter 2 : The Shocked Reality

Meanwhile… the girls were discussing their about the "conversation they so happened to hear"…..

"Wow!" Irvine's sure…. has a big one! Selphie remarked. The other girls nodded their heads in agreement and continued their heated discussion about Irvine and whipped cream. (Whatdaya think guys!)

"Shhh! I think they are starting to talk again!" The girls all hushed and inched towards the room and tried to get the juicy bits of conversation.

"Ha its no big deal guys. Mine is HUGE and it also can defend well itself against people… who I hate…" Squall interrupted. At this point Seifer cuts in. "So is Mine Squally!" and they both begin a detailed description about their gun..(blades) while the guys ooahed and aahed in awe and wonder…

"Haha remember when we were training with these? We hit each other on the face with this and…" rubbing his scar thoughtfully " blood just sprayed everywhere and on everything. Haha! I got the first hit but you wanted revenge!" Squall winced… reminiscing the past and said "Luckily we did not shoot each other… at least. My shot went into the duck pond and yours hit the wall!" The rest of the group started guffawing.

Tidus, feeling left out and neglected, decided to make a stand. (not ThaaaaT stand, if you get what I mean) "Hey!" he fumed. "My weapon is OK too!" "The group of males eye him and said "Where is your weapon tiddy?" At this point tidus gets very worked up at getting called tiddy but he controls his anger and thinks… "Wait till I show these good for nothings! They will ALL KNEEL at MY FEET! MUAHAHa!" "I may not have a gun guys, but I have a BaLL. A big one, in fact." Tidus expected no less then thunderous applause and wide-eyed stares in awe of his weapon. However…

He got thunderous laughter instead.

The girls too, were not doing so hot.

All they heard were just snatches of the conversation and they could make out the Squall and Seifer saying about "shooting and missing one another and hitting one another with their "thing". And on top it includes Tidus proclaiming (shamelessly) he had nothing except a ball… They did not need too much IQ to figure whats everything out. Rinoa and Yuna were hiding in a corner, quietly sobbing and muttering the words … "gay" and "faggart" under their breath while the girls were trying their best to placate them… and at the same time hold back their suppressed laughter. Squall, the Manly Commander GAY? And there was Tidus! Who Would have thought that he was…LoL what was the world coming too? Hearing a voice speaking in the room, the girls decide to hush themselves and "listen" (or eavesdrop) on the guys' conversation.

"Hey Vincent! Be a good man and show me your gun well ya?" Zell asked loudly while simultaneously standing in front of the light and trying to punch his shadow. Cold eyes stared at him and contemplated a million different ways to kill and dismember Zell. Everyone gulped and inched backward when they saw Vincent's eyes narrowing in silts. Zell, however did not notice this and was trying to "Booya" his own shadow. The whole room was silent and the girls were silent. "What the hell is going in there?" Rinoa asked through her tears. "Zell… asked Vincent to show him his… thing and… I am expecting nothing less then carnage and murder." said Aeris earnestly.

Prancing about, Zell finally realized something was amiss. It was too, damn silent. He looked at the others and realized they were not looking at him, but rather behind him. Their white faces and opened mouths made Zell expect nothing less then a horde of Ultimecia's or Jenovas or Sins. Fearing the worst, Zell turned around….

Stay tuned for Chapter 3 !

Author's Note: Hey Guys thanks for all your support and sorry to leave this in a cliffhanger. And Reviews to improve my story would certainly be most welcome. Thank you all!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: I posting this almost directly after the 2nd Chapter as a penance for my sins…. Just Joking! Hope you guys enjoy this!

Chapter 3 – EviL

Zell was told he was brave by his Ma for spanking Ultimecia's ass and making her wear a dunce cap. But now he felt very scared. What the hell could be that BAD behind him it was causing his bravest friends who owned the world's baddest baddies and caused them to run bawling in fear to their mamas. He counted to 3, squeezed his eyes shut and turned around. He opened one eye in fear, and then two in disbelief.

It was… nothing. He turned back to his friends, who were pointing at the ground. He looked down and saw a BIG spider. Not that Big BIG, but rather … say 3 inches? Zell almost wanted to laugh. A spider? That was causing his friends to stare like they have seen some ungodly object? He started to laugh… but… "Wait… that is a spider…" His mind clicked. It WAS a spider. Zell has been afraid of nothing for almost his whole life. But his greatest fear, was… 8 legged monstrous and evil creatures. Looking at the spider perched at the tip of his boot, he stared at the spider. Beady eyes stared back at him. At this point, Zell totally freaked out and started yelling and thrashing, shutting his eyes not to see where the spider landed when he started flailing around crazily.

The commotion caused the girls to blanch and go very very pale in the face. There were blood curling screams and howls. They could almost imagine the situation in there. The girls had a very visual image of Vincent turning into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre thing like monster and using his chainsaw to spill living entrails upon the floor. They shuddered and stood rooted at the spot when they heard a voice between a startled choke and a sob. "Its going out the damn door!" and they heard a big sigh.

"Uh oh," thought the girls. This was it. De Finale. Bon Voyage. The Farplane. Lifestream. They were also suddenly reminded of the many airport signs shown when a particular passenger was leaving. Too startled to even move, they visualized Vincent or something that was Vincent in chaos form or some zombie form dismembering them and eating their insides. However, none of that came to pass. They also saw a 8 legged thing scuttling as fast as it could across the floor. Goodness knows what was the spider must be feeling right now!

The Girls looked at one another and chortled and almost choked when trying to suppress their laughter. So all the cause for commotion was just… a spider. LoL!

Meanwhile the guys were trying to calm themselves down, and a few concerned people who bending over the shivering Zell in concern. "It LOOKED at ME! IT BLOODY LOOKED AT ME!" Zell said in a weak voice barely recognizable as himself's. Remembering the small beady eyes that looked ever so "menacingly" at himself and the way the spider was positioned to eat his leg… "I WAN MY MUMMY!" Zell burst into tears while the others looked at him helplessly.

Vincent and Squall and Irvine were trying to hold on to what shreds of dignity they could and pretend to be indifferent. "Vincent!" Tidus hissed at him. "Lend him the damn gun for goodness sake!" Groaning and looking at the pitiful sight of Zell whimpering and actually shivering, Vincent pulled his gun out of his holster and handed it wordlessly hilt first to Tidus, who then proceeded to wave the gun in front of Zell face like a mother would wave a pacifier to a one-year-old infant. Nevertheless, Zell took the bait. "Wow!" Zell sniffed as he wiped his tears and examined the gun. Turning the gun over and over, he pretended to be in deep thought, frowning at the gun. Suddenly he burst into his bubbly self. "Vincent Oh my god your gun is so uber godly! Where did you get it! I'm gonna ask my mama to buy it for me as a Christmas present! Its totally well balanced and has fast firing capabilities! Oh and its quite long and slender too." Zell juggled it. "It is quite light too." Everyone in the room groaned. Perhaps Zell was more… likeable in his pitiful state. Irvine made a violent gesture about throttling(or was it?) someone towards Squall and nodding grimly, he put on his black leather gloves and advanced on the unwitting Zell who was displaying serious mental problems by talking to himself….

The girls, long ago recovered from their shock, were now… even more shocked to hear what was Zell saying. Even though they could hear the conversation perfectly, each heavily perverted and polluted mind distorted the words and made it reality. "OMGOD! Zell is Fingering Vincent's Thing! And it even said that it was quite long! OMGOMG!" Aeris said through the fingers covering her mouth. Looking at her girlfriends, she realized they were swapping Vincent's telephone numbers now. "If you can't beat em, join em!" she thought to herself and she joined the group.

Meanwhile… The room finally had peace… Zell's limp form was lying arms akimbo on the bed…. (Its NOT what u perverts think!)

Another Chapter Done!

I hope you guys would enjoy it!

Read and Review Guys! I Would Appreciate it! Feel free to contact me on my msn Today… I will include a certain thing I would add,… let say spoilers. Any authors could use it for their stories! Its kinda a misleading thing!

Spoiler: He peered into the box and withdrew a small packet. "Ooooh these are the best! Tidus, could you come here please? I have to teach Seifer here how to do the Suck."

Just outside the room, Rinoa blanched. "Suck?"

"Okay, you watching me carefully?" Squall asked.

"Uh uh," Seifer replied.

"I'm going to dip it in, then place my mouth around it. Not the whole lot just near the end."

"Right."

"Then I suck until the cream comes out into my mouth."

Seifer groaned. "Oh that sure is good."

(Its NOT what u THINK! I will further explain it to you in my story!)

PS: Dun be too much of a Pervert!


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: I just wrote this when I was in Malaysia :P

Happy reading

Chapter 4 : Violation of Rights

As previously continued, Zell was lying (forced) on the bed drifting in and out of consciousness….

Of course, the girls did not think Zell was becoming a nuisance and they had other… ideas for the activities going on there. After hearing Squall's murderous or (lecherous?) growl emanating from the room… and Zell's startled yelp and feeble cry of protest, things left little to their hyperactive imagination…. Rinoa threw up her arms in disgust and stalked over to a corner to sulk. "LOL!" the girls were discussing. Who would have ever thought the guys engaging into these… strenuous activities while they were out shopping? Grinning devilishly… they plotted to be part of the boy's curriculum…

Suddenly a helpless moan was heard from the room. "Shh!" Yuna made her voice barely audible while pressing her finger to her lips.

Meanwhile, Zell was doing not too hot. After having feverish nightmares of black gloved hands and monstrous spiders haunting him, he had been grabbing onto a hand he supposed to be his "mama"… only to realize when he opened his eyes his "mama" was a distraught Tidus squirming on top of him.

"OMG OMG OMG!" Zell cried in sheer terror. Clutching the bed sheets to his chest protectively, he yelled "Tidus you bitching rapist! Why did you violate me in every way possible!" Tidus desperately tried to protest, " Rape? Yes… No wait damnit! I did not rape you. You were trying to rape me…" "Liar! Rape ME you still don't admit!" Zell aint believing one word what Tidus was saying. Zell looked to his friends for comfort, only to find bemused and knowing glints in their eyes. Zell felt very much… alone. "Wait a minute.." Zell was struck by a revelation!

"OMFG! You ALL GANGED RAPED ME! WAHHHH!" breaking out into tears, he sobbed and buried his face into the pillow.

Outside the girls heard word for word what Zell had yelled. They were feeling very sorry for the victimized Zell. Suddenly laughter broke the silence. The Guys in the room were actually laughing at poor Zell!

"They are worse than beasts!" Aeris stated petulantly. She reflected… "Men.. I wouldn't be surprised if Cloud and the gang raped my body before burial…" "MEN! First they rape and then they laugh at the victim!" Yuna fumed. The girls were starting to get angry and they discussed ways on how to "pay" Tidus back in his own coin. They were getting into the subject of separating Tidus from the rest of the guys and something involving chocolate sauce and whipped cream.(oh yeah!) "MUHAHAA TIDUS IS GONNA GET PAID BACK HIS OWN COIN! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" The girls froze and stared at Yuna who was cackling hysterically like a demented witch torturing her poor little kitty.

Rikku sighed. The plan was to let Tidus know how it felt to be raped. And Yuna was the main "part" of the plan. Something nagged at the back of her head about raping Tidus, but she shrugged it off. "I've got a bad feeling about this… It just doesn't seem right…."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Sorry guys I got a bit discouraged from seeing so little reviews :P but after some thinking, I realized some authors actually posted a 50000 word story even with 20 reviews… I'm Sorry Guys My story will be Updated constantly now :D And btw, I am most definitely not a sexist….

On with the FiC!

Chapter 5 : Purgatory 

"This is gonna be just perfect!" Yuna cackled and rubbed her hands with glee. The girls were very excited about the prospect of paying Tidus back his own coin. Revenge is sweeeet …. Staring at the device carefully hidden in her back, she made her way slowly to the guys' room.

Meanwhile….

"I have got a bad feeling about this. My eyebrow's twitching non-stop! Help me guys!" Tidus almost yelled out, pointing to his eyebrow in fright. Of course, nobody paid him much attention except for Seifer who gave him the finger and asked him to "f off!" "Guys you got to believe me! Last time I had the same thing happen and only minutes after that I was mobbed by a whole mob of horny ladies who were dying to put their hands on me, everywhere! Please!" Tidus's eyes brimmed with tears. "Yep, definitely gay, no doubt." Squall smirked and went back to polishing his gun blade…

"Hey guys!" All stared at the lithe figure standing at the doorway. "Umm… can I borrow Tidus for a second?" Observing closely… she found out Tidus was sitting beside the crying Zell. Clenching her fists, she dragged Tidus out of the room by brute force much to the bemusement of the Final Fantasy cast. "AHH I KNEW IT SHE'S GONNA RAPE ME! NONONONONNOO," His screams were muffled as Yuna clamped one hand over his mouth and hurled him bodily into a room and locked the door behind her in one swift motion. (Rest of Final Fantasy Cast were sweatdropping…)

"WAAAh! Mass rape! Gang rape! Tidus squealed in fright as he was thrown into a room with… many girls. Seeing that Yuna had locked the door behind her, he nearly choked on his own spit in fright. Sobbing, he tried to back into a corner but not before noticing Yuna had retrieved something sinister looking and loooong from her pocket…

"AHHH THAT'S NOT LEGAL! ILLEGAL IN FACT! OMG OMG OMG DON'T DO IT PLEASE! AHHHH! OMG NOT THE PANTS NOT THE PANTS ! AHHH! (a loud buzzing sound is heard from the room) EE." The voice abruptly cuts off.

Every single final fantasy guy stares at the locked door and sweatdrops… "Holy shit, the hell is happening there!" Zell even stops his sobbing and stares wide eyed at the door… "Wow!" Zell muses to himself…

Meanwhile in the room…

Tidus lay on the bed, on top of the sheets, cowering, totally in a complete wreck. Dried tears stained his face and his hair was in matted heaps. "Now now, its not over yet…" Yuna and the other girls leered at him. Yuna walks up to Tidus and he shrinks away in fear. Yuna stroked his facial features" Its not over yet…" Tidus's eyes widened as Yuna stroked his facial features almost sexually. Yuna's grin widened as she fingered the contraption behind her back. "What have you behind your back?" Tidus asked. Yuna grinned maliciously and almost wantonly as she held the object in the light…

"HOLY SHIT! OMG THAT IS SO NOT HAPPENING TO ME! STOP IT! I FORBID IT WOMAN! PUT NOT THE THING IN MY… AHHHH!"

The guys stared at each other and blanched, trying very, very, very hard not to imagine what the hell was going in there, although they did not really need a hyperactive imagination to imagine what was going on…..

Author's Note: Haha guys hoped you enjoyed it… did not really have a lot of time to write the chapter… as you know school work and stuff well continue reading and reviewing ! BTW help me think of the next chapter title and plot?

Godtaker 


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